"God Has NEW PLANS For Your Financial Blessing..."

"God Has NEW PLANS For Your Financial Blessing..."
So read the banner across a piece of junkmail today.


Page 1: "THIS IS YOUR BLESSED DAY - GET READY!" [All boldface emphasis is theirs.]

"Our friend in God, we are not always aware of Satanic tactics, so we tend to act too slowly, allowing the Devil time to get a foothold. GOD WANTS YOU TO PROSPER. YOUR FINANCIAL INCREASE has been fought by Satanic forces, but God is not through."

[All this time I just thought I sucked at handling money, who knew it was Satan's fault?]


Page 2:

A line-drawing of Jesus, with two Lincoln pennies taped to the page. "These two blessed coins represent your two blessings coming and going." The pennies are circled, with 'for your left shoe for tomorrow' and 'for your right shoe tomorrow.'

"Paul, in Jesus's name, go and place these two coins in the shoes you plan to wear tomorrow. Leave them there tonight; one in each shoe."

"After you walk a few steps with the coins in your shoes, remove the coins and place one inside your front door and the other right outside."


Finally, on Page 3, we get to the heart of the matter:

"Well, Jesus, we ask Thee to Bless our brother Paul the same way You Blessed (our Ministers). Some way, somehow, from somewhere, help Paul get his largest sacrificial seed and sow it by placing it in this envelope addressed back to Thy work."



Last page, the checklist:

( ) I have place the two coins in my shoes during the night, and then inside and outside my front door this morning. Here is my special page for you to pray over as you decree God's financial increase in my life.
( ) Here is my largest seed offering undo God: $______________.
( ) Send me a Biblical Seed Harvest Plan to take God as my Financial Planner, because I need His divine help in all areas of my life.



On the Return Envelope: "Dear God, Keep your hands on this envelope until it comes back safely to your church ministry. Amen"

I find this last touch absolutely delightful. After all the hocus-pocus with the pennies, the prayers for Financial Guidance (?!), finally, the last little prayer, "God, Keep your hand on this money, yo, until it gets here!"

Sublime.