"Ass Juice"

There's a bar in Las Vegas called the "Double Down Saloon". http://doubledownsaloon.com/

Best neighborhood bar I've ever been to. They have a massive collection of 'donated' bras hanging over the entire bar; they have maybe two or three of the saddest slot machines you've ever seen; every conceivable inch of available surface is covered in some sort of graffiti; and the last time I was there three hot strippers 'bellied' up to the bar after their shift ended. If there is (against ALL evidence) some form of 'afterlife' I want to spend the rest of mine in the "Double Down".

They advertise a house specialty called "Ass Juice". I've had it, it's not bad. Maybe a little too sweet; 'chick drink' for the tourists.

You can even buy t-shirts with their logo & a pic of a skeleton squatting over a pint glass, squirting into it with the slogan "Outa Our Ass, Inta' Your Glass."

And yeah, I got one somewhere; I wear it when I'm doing my laundry so the neighbors will give me a wider berth....



Point being; I thought I'd encountered 'ass juice'.
The dice say 'No':

Should you ever find yourself hungover, pinned down in the cold morning light, struggling over which fortified, artificially-fruit-flavored, overly-caffeinated, malt beverage to grab on your way to work, do yourself one last favor & stays the hells aways from 'JOOSE'.

I have never, in my entire life, tasted a previously manufactured, commercially sold, marketed/advertised/pimped beverage that tasted SO RIDICULOUSLY SHITTY.

It comes in several favors, I chose 'orange'. Bad move.

Imagine taking a big bite of fresh orange and then burying your nose deep in your father's/older brother's/creepy uncle's sweaty armpit.

I kid you not, that is EXACTLY the sensation. One helluva blast of citrus, and then the most sweaty socklike aftertaste you can't even try to imagine.

I have no idea how this made it into production. I am being completely serious here; if you open a can, let it sit for a moment, then take a big ol' sniff, it smells EXACTLY like sweaty old gym socks.

The aftertaste is somewhat stronger.

There've been more than a few instances in my drinking career where somebody has stated something along the lines of 'It tastes like ass!" Well, they were wrong. They have no goddamn idea what the phrase 'tastes like ass' truly means.

If you're that self-destructive, if you're that goddamn curious, if you're (like me) open to ANY new experience, well, by all means, track down a can. Just never, NEVER, EVER say I didn't give you enough of a head's up first....

Assjuice like you wouldn't believe.

[Oh, and in case you're wondering, yeah, I held my breath & shot the whole fucker in one. Taste not, want not.]