Digital Feuilletons

tahi brain

2011-06-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

Visual representations of the state of my mind.

Boxes full of nothing.

Themselves composed of discarded, irrelevant, redundant information.

Pretty though, in their own way.

1-Bit Symphony

2010-12-08T17:22:00.000-08:00

We are sometimes very clever monkeys. I like that.

http://www.1bitsymphony.com/

Tristan Perich: 1-Bit Symphony (Part 1: Overview) from Tristan Perich on Vimeo.

Big Foot the Monster

2010-10-28T17:37:00.001-07:00

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=7080&e=product&pid=54776

From the "Toys -backwards R- Us" ad copy above: "He can throw a ball, lift weights, dream, walk, talk, rap and more! "

Sorry, "dream"?!

I got no beef with hundred dollar toys that pound their fists, rap, and roll over, but 'dream'? No thank you. No toys with aspirations in my house.

You're a toy, and you're always gonna be a toy.

"Gardyn"

2010-08-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

The story behind "Gardyn": http://www.pogomix.net/the-story-behind-gardyn/

Spartan chess.

2010-08-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

"If You Are On A Cell-phone You Will Not Be Served."

2010-08-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

About four years ago, fed up with being treated like an ATM by the pinheads on their cellphones, I put up this sign at the video store. I also posted it on Photobucket, emailed it to a few fellow retail-monkeys, put it on my MySpace page (This pic is a later one, but shows the original sign in its original place: http://www.myspace.com/ginsoak/photos/61960451 ).

Last night I went to the midnight premiere of "Scott Pilgram vs the World". I'm a big fan of the director Edgar Wright, and the early reviews were great, so I decided to catch it early.

About 10 minutes into the film the Scott character gets a call from his bitchy sister Stacey, who works as a barista. Something in the background catches my eye; look at the sign over her left shoulder:

And for easier comparison:

Four years after putting this up out of frustration with shitty customers it works its way to Hollywood, where some set designer/art director decides it's a good background sign for a bitchy barista....

AWESOME!!!

Happy birthday, to my favorite President.

2010-08-04T14:45:00.001-07:00

And don't let the bastards get you down; it took Clinton over 5 years to turn around the Republican-gutted economy he inherited. I still believe: Yes We Can©.

Then click "Next"

2010-07-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

Nothing inspires confidence quite like neglecting to proof

your new account application instructions.

Psalm 98:4

2010-07-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth:
make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise."

Apparently Jesus was in Dethklok.

There's Stop-Motion, and there's Stop-Motion...

2010-06-30T15:09:00.001-07:00

... and then there's Ray Harryhausen:

...

2010-06-27T21:09:00.001-07:00

serenity

Best "Wings" cover EVER.

2010-06-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

I stole this from an article on 'theworld.org":

"Consider this: in their version of Live and Let Die, the members of Pato Fu are all playing toy instruments. A toy piano, tiny drum kit, a baby-scale electric guitar, a plastic synth-keyboard with two octaves.

It’s part of a music video genre loosely known as VideoSong. The rules for videosongs can be summed up as what you hear is what you get: the sounds MUST be seen in the video, no lip-syncing allowed. And in Pato Fu’s VideoSong, they nail the Paul McCartney and Wings classic."

How to "wail":

2010-06-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

Bill Kirchen, 'Titan of the Telecaster', playing Hot Rod Lincoln

It's pretty amazing work right from the start, but it slips into crazy-fun around 2:40.

Dare you to solve it.

2010-06-01T16:43:00.001-07:00

http://www.hellraiserpuzzlebox.com/rubiks.html

Orrin McClellan, a falling star. I miss your laugh, man.

2010-05-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

These vids are just little bits I had on my camera. The bottom three are just him working my RX-7 through her paces around the island. I wish (I wish) I had shot more.
The first one (across the fire, him strumming) is my favorite.

(Fuck, I miss you man).

Around the firepit.

Best Summer Ever 2008 MySpace Video

Passing with Orrin.

Best Summer Ever 2008 MySpace Video

Cornering with Orrin.

Best Summer Ever 2008 MySpace Video

Driving with Orrin.

Best Summer Ever 2008 MySpace Video

Addendum: This is a video Orrin made a few years ago and posted on Youtube. His description:

"this generation's wars from eyes on the ground...the faces and names are placeholders. those who were there remember. the rest can only watch"

I found it through this article (© by Lily Casura): http://www.healingcombattrauma.com/2010/07/anatomy-of-a-suicide-only-halfway-home-from-war.html

pixels

2010-05-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

Reposted (stolen) from my friend Mike's blog.

This is the sort of moment the internet excels at. Oddly to me (considering the topic) this doesn't even mention the internet, but without the 'net I wouldn't have had the chance to see, enjoy, repost.

Anyways, this is a great 10 minute doc:

Sound advice.

2010-05-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

Chris Lowe: "If you just want to create a Pet Shop Boys sound instantly you can program some drumbeats and then play an A-minor chord over it: “Oh, God, that sounds like the Pet Shop Boys. Oh, that’s the trick, is it?"

Original article: http://out.com/detail.asp?id=25235

God Bless The Internet:

2010-05-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

http://www.10yearsofbeingboring.com/

I heart the '80s

2010-05-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

Inspired by some recent postings by my friend Mike I started thinking about the music from the '80s. Some outstanding goddamn songs were written amidst all the (otherwise still pretty good) pop. Here are two that will forever break my heart:

"Somebody" from Depeche Mode

"Your Funny Uncle" by the Pet Shop Boys

One of my favorite scenes...

2010-05-19T20:46:00.001-07:00

...from one of my favorite films:

Later in the film:
Ferdinand: "I wonder what's keeping the cops. We should be in jail by now".
Marianne: "They're smart. They let people destroy themselves".

This film comes damn close to achieving the impossible; it is almost absolute cinematic perfection.

"Malamanteau"

2010-05-13T14:53:00.000-07:00

"Today's xkcd comic introduced an unusual word — malamanteau — by giving its supposed definition on Wikipedia. The only trouble is that the word (as well as its supposed wiki-page) did not in fact exist. Naturally, much ado ensued at the supposed wiki-page, which was swiftly created in response to the comic. BBC America has more on how the comic and the confusion it caused have put the Net in a tizzy. It turns out that a malamanteau is a portmanteau of portmanteau and malapropism, but also a malapropism of portmanteau. All this puts Wikipedia in the confusing position of not allowing a page for an undefined word whose meaning is defined via the Wikipedia page for that word — and now I have to lie down for a moment."

Original post, with links intact: http://news.slashdot.org/story/10/05/13/183221/Wikipedia-Is-Not-Amused-By-Entry-For-xkcd-Coined-Word?from=rss&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+Slashdot/slashdot+(Slashdot)&utm_content=Google+Reader

Brilliant! This is the kinda shit that makes my heart-cockles giggle.

Not only is it the sort of subversive use of a medium (forcing it to examine itself; define itself; defend itself) that the best underground newspapers or guerrilla artists challenge with, it's a perfect example of the magic & playfulness hidden within our bastard-child of a language.

www.xtranormal.com

2010-05-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

My friend LaBrecque hipped me to this website called 'xtra normal' that lets you create little movies just by typing in text and adding a few effects. As they describe themselves:

"Make your own 3D movies in minutes. xtranormal offers a wide variety of characters, sets, and animations that you can easily add to any movie you create. Cast your actors, write your script, and share your movie with your friends and family. And the best part is, you don't need a huge budget or a film crew."

This then is my first little jab playing around with their software. It's a little clunky (the artificial voices need a little work), but for a free site it's kinda fun.

The word for word is word.

2010-05-08T12:21:00.001-07:00

I love our language, always have. It's a hodge-podge (German) scramble (Old Norse) of various influences (Latin), but because of all that historical 'fresh blood' it's playful, mutable, and charming (French, from Latin) to me (Old High German ('me' is Old High German, I'm an Old Drunk American)).

This love is both caused by and cause for a lifetime love of books. Little jabs of ink on boiled-out wood; new worlds, new thoughts, new understandings. Plus, hell, sometimes the words on a page are just fun; reading is a good time.

However, there is the occasional literary eyepoke one must suffer when digging between the covers. Such as this, which may be the most disappointing sentence I've ever read that was actually published in a book:

Here, the atmosphere was saturated with an homogenized odor of frying clams, grilling frankfurters, and baking pizzas, which, emanating from a few short-order stands, was carried in visible suspension on a greasy smog that formed an essential oil for the saccharine smell of spun-sugar candy, and that was pulsated over the entire area by shock waves of electronically produced rock and roll coming from competing public-address bellows in the various arcades.

Strangely enough the same book contains a sentence that works (on me at least) like a small poem:

Someday it would be a road with speed limits, directional signs, and median markings, and would be buttressed by acres of dirt fill supporting gas stations with strings of flapping pennants and bedroom cabins with elfin porches, gaudy trim, and tiny windows into which the sweep of headlights would steal at night and whisk across the gleaming backs of lovers.

The argument can be made they are both poor sentences. Both are run-ons, both have far too many adjectives, both are intended to provide 'atmosphere' as opposed to advancing the plot.

The first sentence in particular is a perfect example. Way too long for what little it provides, and almost every noun in it is preceded by an adjective (frying clams, visible suspension, essential oil, competing bellows), giving the read a staccato, first-draft feel.

But I think the second sentence works for me for the same reason the first one doesn't; us. The first sentence is lacking any direct reference to a person. The clam is fried, the air is full of greasy rock music, the arcades are, er, various. But nobody's eating the frankfurters, shouting over the music, or filling the arcades. It's a human world without humans.

In the second sentence, tho, we get the sweep of headlights across the backs of lovers. That's the image that gets to me. Not the lovers, but the sweeping lights at night. The image is immediate, yet nostalgic. Long roadtrips, cool clean sheets, familiar yet alien motel room, and the second most beautiful sound humans can make; the soft riverlike susurration of a distant interstate. Magic.

I love our language, always have.

Futures from the past used today.

2010-05-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

Track down this documentary "Future By Design" about social visionary/engineer Jacque Fresco:

Then go see the new "Iron Man 2" (it's good, trust me); somebody did their research for the Howard Stark (Tony Stark's father) character.

I swear he is a combo of Jacque Fresco's creativity, Howard Hughes' success (and war-profiteering), plus a dash of Walt Disney's 'charm'. Some of the designs (and by extension, certain plot-points (image at 1:16 in this trailer, I'm looking at you)) in "IM2" are almost exactly the same as Fresco's designs from 40 or 50 years ago.

BTW, I'll take my flying car & curvilinear home now, please.

Thank goodness for that healthcare overhall; now we can eat whatever we want, right?

2010-04-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

Caffeinated Maple-Bacon Lollipops

"Behold Caffeinated Maple-Bacon Lollipops; look at them and cheer. For not only are they each a time-tested wonder of organic, sustainably farmed bacon mixed with a deluge of delicious Vermont maple syrup, but they are loaded with the same amount of caffeine as an energy drink!"

http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/candy/d85e/

Why I love Hollywood the same way you'd have to love a retarded puppy:

2010-04-26T03:22:00.000-07:00

She pours heavy, in the know.

2010-04-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

She pours heavy, in the know.

Leans on her side of the bar
same way I lean on mine.

Cornteeth and waxhair,
'Jenny' inked on her neck.
She should be circle-smoking a cigarette
instead of cudding on gum.

Sees me scratching on paper.
"No ma'am, I'm not"
another one of those

fucking
bar
poets.

But if I were
I'd write one for you.

Cat-baffling, Moog style.

2010-04-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

Proof once more that everything sounds better in German:

2010-04-10T12:33:00.000-07:00

"Do you want to play funkier bass? Sure, we all do!"

2010-03-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

Now you can learn from the comfort of your own home, thanks to "Professor" Bootsy Collins' online Funk University:

http://www.thefunkuniversity.com/

...with undiminished wonder

2010-03-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

"as long as there have been humans
we have searched for our place in the cosmos
where are we?
who are we?

"we find that we live on an insignificant planet
of a humdrum star
lost in a galaxy
tucked away in some forgotten corner
of a universe
in which there are far more galaxies
than people

"we make our world significant
by the courage of our questions
and by the depth of our answers

"we embarked on our journey to the stars
with a question first framed
in the childhood of our species
and in each generation
asked anew
with undiminished wonder:

"what are the stars?"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081846/videogallery

Black like my heart...

2010-03-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

The Dixon Ticonderoga #2, aka The World's Greatest Pencil (says so right on the box), now comes in black, with a black eraser.

word.

https://www.dixonusa.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=shop.product&prdIndex=58

"And this is my receipt for your receipt."

2010-03-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

This is the kinda crap that makes me want to curl up at the bottom of a gin bottle & pull the cork in after myself (or maybe stuff a burning rag in the top & hurl it at the nearest lawyer):

"The Paperwork Reduction Act of 1980, Pub. L. No. 96-511, 94 Stat. 2812 (Dec. 11, 1980), codified in part at Subchapter I of Chapter 35 of Title 44 of the United States Code, 44 U.S.C. § 3501 through 44 U.S.C. § 3521 [is] intended to reduce the total amount of paperwork handled by the United States government and the general public.

"The Paperwork Reduction Act mandates that all federal government agencies must obtain a Control Number from the Office of Management and Budget before promulgating a form that will impose an information collection burden on the general public.
Once obtained, approval must be renewed every three years. In order to obtain or renew such approval, an agency must fill out OMB Form 83-I, attach the proposed form, and file it with the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs.
On Form 83-I, the agency must explain the reason why the form is needed and estimate the burden in terms of time and money that the form will impose upon the persons required to fill it out."

It's that last line that kills me. You have to fill out forms & submit them in order to get the right paperwork so you can send other people forms to fill out.

Go here to download the 7 page form, then fill it out, attach all appropriate forms & mail it in: http://www.whitehouse.gov/omb/inforeg/83i-fill.pdf

You know, to help reduce government paperwork.

d'oh!

2010-03-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yes that's a staple. And yes, that's my finger. And yes, I'm just that clumsy sometimes.

word.

2010-03-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

MP3:
http://www.symphonyofscience.com

Don't smoke in France, or tobacco will mouthrape you.

2010-02-24T15:34:00.001-08:00

"To smoke is to be a slave to tobacco."

PARIS — "A new French antismoking advertisement aimed at the young that plays off a pornographic stereotype has gotten more attention than even its creators intended, and critics suggest that it offends common decency and creates a false analogy between oral sex and smoking."

Read the rest here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/24/world/europe/24france.html

the "Twin Peaks" shooter

2010-02-18T23:09:00.001-08:00

Version 2.0:
Float ¼oz of 151 on top, ignite.
"Fire, Walk with ME."

"BRAIN IMAGING SHOWS PLAYING TETRIS LEADS TO BOTH BRAIN EFFICIENCY AND THICKER CORTEX"

2009-10-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

I knew it.

"Researchers at the Mind Research Network today announced the findings of a scientific study that used brain imaging and Tetris to investigate whether practice makes the brain efficient because it increases gray matter.

"Over a three-month period, adolescent girls practiced Tetris, a computer game requiring a combination of cognitive skills. The girls who practiced showed greater brain efficiency, consistent with earlier studies. Compared to controls, the girls that practiced also had a thicker cortex, but not in the same brain areas where efficiency occurred.

"Relative to controls, red areas show where practice led to a thicker cortex; blue areas show more efficient brain function after practice; right image is right hemisphere; left image is the left hemisphere."

Original article here: http://www.mrn.org/latest/brain-imaging-shows-playing-tetris-leads-to-both-brain-efficiency-and-thicker-cortex

GBTI - Wax Cylinders Edition.

2009-08-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

http://cylinders.library.ucsb.edu/index.php

"Cylinder recordings, the first commercially produced sound recordings, are a snapshot of musical and popular culture in the decades around the turn of the 20th century. They have long held the fascination of collectors and have presented challenges for playback and preservation by archives and collectors alike.

"On this site you will have the opportunity to find out more about the cylinder format, listen to thousands of musical and spoken selections from the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and discover a little-known era of recorded sound."

This "Cylinder Preservation" website is the sort of internet-only use of technology that I absolutely adore (see my April 23rd post about old van Gogh).

Want to hear a Sarah Bernhardt recitation? Want to hear the first recording of Thomas Edison? Want to hear Enrico Caruso's actual singing voice? All this & more just a few clicks away, for free, to explore as deeply as you want.

I also groove on the idea that those wax-cylinder recordings represented 'cutting edge' technology when new, about a hundred years ago; a century from now what technology will people use to learn about a little thing we called 'the internet'?

HONDA developing Power-Assisted Atomic-Wedgie

2009-08-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Honda unveils experimental walking assist device with bodyweight support system"
http://world.honda.com/news/2008/c081107Walking-Assist-Device/

And be sure to check the video here:
http://world.honda.com/news/2008/c081107Walking-Assist-Device/video/

The mathematics of surviving the inevitable zombie outbreak.

2009-08-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

Fantastic:
http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf

(Good thing zombies suck at mathematics and statistics.)

An elegant solution, but....

2009-08-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

"The prints we make for our 'daily use' not only use paper, but also ink. According to SPRANQ creative communications (Utrecht, The Netherlands) your ink cartridges (or toner) could last longer. SPRANQ has therefore developed a new font: the Ecofont.

"Appealing ideas are often simple: how much of a letter can be removed while maintaining readability? After extensive testing with all kinds of shapes, the best results were achieved using small circles. After lots of late hours (and coffee) this resulted in a font that uses up to 20% less ink. Free to download, free to use.

"The picture illustrates how the Ecofont was created by omitting parts of the letter. At the shown size, this obviously is not very nice, but at a regular font size it is actually very usable. Naturally, the results vary depending on your software and the quality of your screen. The Ecofont works best in OpenOffice, AppleWorks and MS Office 2007. Printing with a laser printer will give the best printing results.

"The Ecofont is based on the Vera Sans, an Open Source letter, and is available for Windows, Mac OSX and Linux."

I like the idea behind a font specifically designed to save on ink, but I get the same results (that is, trading legibility for toner-conservation) when printing text by setting the printer to 'Black & White' and 'Fast (as opposed to Quality)'.

Seattle is UTTERLY HUMORLESS about its trees...

2009-08-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

...and because of it I couldn't be prouder to call Seattle home.

This stone "memorial" is on the Burke-Gilman Trail near my apartment. The only other stones on the trail like this are on Memorial Benches erected by families for their loved ones.

The text reads, after the 'Seattle Parks And Recreation' logo:

"In memory of seven trees: three silver poplars and four Douglas firs, approximately 70 feet in height, that were fatally damaged by illegal herbicide application in August 2008.

Whenever a tree is intentionally killed, the whole community feels its loss."

I mean come on, has your town ever erected a plaque commemorating murdered trees?!

Billy Mays did coke? Get outta here!

2009-08-07T16:17:00.000-07:00

Autopsy uncovers cocaine in Billy Mays' body
Examiner: Drug use caused or contributed to heart disease, death

The price of Freedom?

2009-08-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

Worldwide Military Spending,
from the CIA World Factbook, Center for Arms Control and Non-proliferation.

( Click on the map for full size).

America spends almost half of all of the world's military spending. The next closest level is all of Europe combined at less than half of what we spend.

Where does all that money go? Quite frankly I think I'd feel 'safer' if that money were going instead to end this Great Recession.

Happy 77th to Peter O'Toole, the last great reprobate!

2009-08-02T18:23:00.001-07:00

"For me, life has either been a wake or a wedding."

"Booze is the most outrageous of drugs, which is why I chose it."

"I can't stand light. I hate weather.
My idea of heaven is moving from one smoke-filled room to another."

Here are some of his career highlights, all worth knowing:

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Becket (1964)
Lord Jim (1965)
What's New Pussycat (1965)
How to Steal a Million (1966)
Casino Royale (1967)
The Lion in Winter (1968)
Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1969)
The Ruling Class (1972)
Man of La Mancha (1972)
Zulu Dawn (1979)
Caligula (1979)
The Stunt Man (1980)
Masada (1981)
My Favorite Year (1982)
Creator (1985)
Club Paradise (1986)
High Spirits (1988)
The Rainbow Thief (1990)
Bright Young Things (2003)
Troy (2004)
Venus (2006)
Ratatouille (2007)

When Noel Coward saw his "Lawrence of Arabia" he said to Peter, "If you'd been any prettier they would have had to call it "Florence of Arabia."

Nominated 8 different times for an Academy Award, but never won. Finally in 2003 at the age of 71 the Academy awarded him a Lifetime Achievement Award. This is how he described the night:

"I enjoyed it. The only thing that wasn't enjoyable was in the green room. I said, 'Can I have a drink?' 'We have lemon juice, apple juice, still or sparkling.' I said, 'No, I want a drink. No drink?' I said, 'All right, I'm fucking off. I'll be back.' A man with earphones said, 'No! No!' Eventually this vodka was smuggled in."

My hero.

"Heat cannot be separated from fire, or beauty from The Eternal." —Dante Alighieri

2009-07-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

Not usually seen in Seattle advertising:

Today we hit 102° in Seattle. [Correction: now they're saying we hit 103°, a Seattle record.] It's only been 4 months since this much more typical (and for me, much more acceptable) forecast:

BTW, I saved that forecast because I loved the slight, almost poetically bored, descriptions of how much rain is expected in those next nine days "...at a Glance":

Showers likely,
chance showers.

Chance showers ...
chance showers.

Chance showers,
rain likely.

Chance rain,
chance rain,
chance rain.

Sign that Pax Americana has finally run its course:

2009-07-29T16:02:00.000-07:00

"Smell like there's no tomorrow"

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/bcdc/?cpg=99T

Welcome to the worst day of the rest of your life:

2009-07-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Screw it. I'm eating the rest of the Tang

and playing some golf."

"The Wonder of It All"

2009-07-24T19:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.thewonderofitallfilm.com/index.html

Just came out on DVD, best documentary I've seen about the moon landings. Told in the voices & words of the men who actually walked on the moon (that still gets to me).

"Sympathy" by Rare Bird.

2009-07-23T18:10:00.000-07:00

According to wikipedia this song came out in the same year I did, 1969. I found it by accident on youtube while looking for a movie trailer (which I still can't find). There are other versions of the 'video' on youtube, this one I like for the pictures chosen (from 'www.morguefile.com ').

I'm surprised I haven't heard this song before. I'm also surprised it hasn't been covered more often.

This is what 'hardcore' looks like:

2009-07-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

Found on 'Flickr':

"Amblypygi, Phrynidae, Heterophrynus sp."
Title: Verdadero y Falso -- True and false

aka, "whip spiders"; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amblypygi

Terry Gilliam quotes, in no particular order.

2009-07-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

There's a side of me that always fell for manic things, frenzied, cartoony performances. I always liked sideshows, freakshows. Jerry Lewis was a freakshow...Absolutely grotesque, awful, tasteless. I like things to be tasteless.

People in Hollywood are not showmen, they're maintenance men, pandering to what they think their audiences want.

All I do is hunt. I want to be thrilled. And I'm not being thrilled at the moment. So I'm being old and bitter and curmudgeonly, because I want sensory buzz and I'm not getting it!

I do want to say things in these films. I want audiences to come out with shards stuck in them. I don't care if people love my films or walk out, as long as they have a strong response.

My problem is I'm like a junkie. I want a good movie fix, and I never get that fix. I want to be taken into some place, some world, some idea that I haven't thought of or imagined. And it doesn't happen.

(on future use of CGI in his films) Nooo! Leave that to George Lucas, he' s really mastered the CGI acting. That scares me! I hate it! Everybody is so pleased and excited by it. Animation is animation. Animation is great. But it's when you're now taking what should be films full of people, living thinking, breathing, flawed creatures and you're controlling every moment of that, it's just death to me. It's death to cinema, I can't watch those Star Wars films, they're dead things.

Everybody has their opinion and some people are wrong. One of the things I enjoy about my films is that children really love them. They are open-minded. As we get older we seem to close in. We limit the size of the world we limit everything about it.

I think there's a side of me that's trying to compete with Lucas and Spielberg - I don't usually admit this publicly - because I tend to think that they only go so far, and their view of the world is rather simplistic. What I want to do is take whatever cinema is considered normal or successful at a particular time and play around with it - to use it as a way of luring audiences in.

It's hard for me to worry about the studios losing money. I'm not very sympathetic to their money problems, because they certainly haven't been sympathetic to mine.

(On news of Heath Ledger's death while filming "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"):
We were devastated. We spent the whole day - Amy Gilliam, Nicola Pecorini, the director of photography, and myself - lying flat on the floor. Heath Ledger's dead, and you don't quite get over that.
I suppose I'm in an interesting position because while I'm cutting the film I'm basically working with him every day and he's fine; he's in good shape. Ideas are floating around. Then finally we decided, 'OK, let's get three other people to take over the part'. And we were lucky because we have a magic mirror in this movie. Not every movie has a magic mirror.
So you can very genuinely say that these other actors are different aspects of the character that Heath plays. And it works.
The point was, we've got to keep going. It was a bit like half being there, but apparently on autopilot I can still do a few things.

Nobody went to see "Tideland"! I was hoping people would get angry about it but those that saw it didn't want to talk about it. This is the world we're living in, people don't want to discuss things that are actually worth discussing.

The reason why I don't watch as many as I used to is that I'm not surprised any more. I loved movies because they opened up doors into worlds I never imagined. It seldom happens now.
　
　

'Hyperwall-2' is doubly beautiful.

2009-07-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

The pursuit of knowledge is one of the few truly beautiful attributes of humanity. Rarely is that intrinsic beauty visible in our clumsy monkey groping. When the beauty of that search for understanding is matched by its physical interface it overwhelms, the intellectual comprehension of the endeavour spilling over into an emotional response.

"Developed by scientists and engineers in the NASA Advanced Supercomputing (NAS) Division at Ames, the 128-screen hyperwall-2, capable of rendering one quarter billion pixel graphics, is the world's highest resolution scientific visualization and data exploration environment".

The original article in National Geographic where I first read of the Hyperwall (the article is nearly poetry, and features the usual stunning NG photos):
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2009/07/telescopes/ferris-text

This I can do without....

2009-07-17T20:37:00.001-07:00

A friend and I got in a discussion about ego surfing, so of course we had to check.
At least the 5th one down was actually about me.

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.” -Nancy Willard

2009-07-17T14:23:00.000-07:00

The problem with having an active imagination is reality rarely trumps it. Or even equals it, for that matter.

This truck has been sitting in the same spot for over a week. I'm surprised it hasn't been reported, cordoned off, hazmated, drug-sniffed, bomb-sniffed, and removed from the premises yet. Does nobody remember 9/11?

But after deciding to check it out myself last night I started wondering about what I hoped to find.

I honestly expected it to be empty, which would have led to some simple jokes and a quick wrap-up to this story. Another obvious joke about Al Capone's Vaults or something lame like "They're digging in the wrong place!"

Maybe empty except for a dead, dried-out crow (they're everywhere around here because of the restaurants). After sitting in 80+ degree weather for a week at least the story would have ended on a nicely gruesome note.

Or, if I'd been lucky, it would have been something harmless but weird. A truck full of manikins, or thousands of empty cigar boxes, or maybe just pallet after pallet of left-handed scissors.

And of course the least favorable, but still interesting, would have been some sort of crime scene. Stolen flat-screen TVs; meth-lab debris; a large brown bloodstain.

The truth turned out to be so boring I considered not even following up with this post. Here then is the photographic evidence from last night's 'adventure', proving once again how boring reality can be:

No lock! I'm way too old for this to still thrill me....

What the? Building materials? A hand truck?

I mean come on, where's the excitement? A box of nails?

sheesh.

And the final reveal; you can't really read it in this picture but I recognized the font used on that sign, and then the name. It's "Varlamos Pizzeria", the Italian restaurant down the block from us. Apparently they've done some remodelling, and this truck is just the temporary overflow. Construction flotsam.

Which explains why nobody's had the truck towed, I'm sure the property managers know what's up.

I've been Geraldo'd.

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"

2009-07-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

So in the parking lot of the store I work at there's a white delivery truck that's been sitting in the same spot for about a week.

My coworker Joy left me a note asking if we should report it. I said "No, it's got that cool 'the Cook, the Thief...' vibe going on" knowing she'd get the reference to a horrible event in a Peter Greenaway film from 1989.

Getting out of my car today I decided to check the back door for a lock, thinking I may pop it off with some monster bolt cutters I have. What do ya know? No lock!

Since I happen to have some leather gloves (no prints), a powerful flashlight (no surprises), and a camera (no lack of evidence) with me; I've decided after I close the store tonight (and under cover of darkness) I'm going to check out what's in the truck.

What will I find? Will it be the remains of a mobile meth-lab? The desiccated remains of some undocumented workers? Thousands of discount sunglasses? Or will I be just another Geraldo digging in Al Capone's vaults?

Tune in later to read about my next exciting adventure! With pictures!

wheresmycellphone.com

2009-07-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

Misplaced your cellphone? No longer have one of those old-fashioned 'land lines'? Have easy access to the internet? Quick, to wheresmycellphone.com!

This site actually works pretty fast. I have never had a cellphone, so I entered my land line number, hit 'Make it ring!' and within two seconds the phone was ringing. Out of curiousity I answered it, a (surprisingly sensual) recording of a woman's voice says, "Thank you for using 'wheresmycellphone.com'. Goodbye now!"

The whole concept of this website seems odd to me, a weird confluence of social trends and technology.

First, cellphone saturation in America is estimated at about 82%, and roughly 1/4 of American homes no longer have landlines. Then, total broadband connections in American homes is estimated at 57%, with most of those through their cable providers (again, no need for landlines).

So somebody noticed a tiny little need and created this website to fill the niche.

Since nobody could be expected to pay for the service it's provided free; the only way to profit then is by selling adspace, which 'wheresmycellphone' does in spades. Seriously, the page is basically one box of service surrounded by a sea of ads (and a lonely 'Donate' button).

I'm reminded, oddly, of the Pony Express, the trans-American mail service from back in the 'Old West' days. I guess because the Pony Express filled a niche, as does 'wheresmycellphone.com'.

However, even though the Pony Express has entered out cultural folklore it only ran for about a year, closing two days after the First Transcontinental Telegraph reached Salt Lake City and connected Omaha, Nebraska and Sacramento, California.

I doubt 'wheresmycellphone' will ever earn a spot in American cultural history. It's sort of the inverse of the Pony Express; extremely limited demand, but doesn't really cost anything to provide (and nothing to use). And with the unlimited amount of 'space' available in cyberspace this site can sit there forever, like a sort of 'Historic Trail' marker for one of the weird little backwaters of web 1.0.

Y Wii Kant Reed Gud

2009-07-14T10:34:00.001-07:00

SCI FI Channel changes its name to 'Syfy'.

http://scifiwire.com/2009/03/sci-fi-channel-to-become.php

"By changing the name to Syfy, which remains phonetically identical, the new brand broadens perceptions and embraces a wider range of current and future imagination-based entertainment beyond just the traditional sci-fi genre, including fantasy, supernatural, paranormal, reality, mystery, action and adventure. It also positions the brand for future growth by creating an ownable trademark that can travel easily with consumers across new media and nonlinear digital platforms, new international channels and extend into new business ventures."

Oh where to begin? First there's the painfully outdated market-speak; "new brand broadens perceptions", "imagination-based entertainment", "positions the brand", "ownable trademark", "travel easily with consumers", "nonlinear digital platforms". Christ, there isn't a single phrase in this paragraph that doesn't piss me off.

I guess my biggest issue with this "rebranding", though, is the claim "...Syfy, which remains phonetically identical...". Really?

Within a word the 'y' sound is the soft 'i', and at the end of a word it's usually a hard 'e'. Just look at the word 'mystery', used in the first sentence. M-'i'-ster-'E'. Not M'I'-str-'I'. In standard usage this new spelling of Sci-fi (a contraction that bugs me anyways, is it really too strenuous to say 'Science fiction'?) would be pronounced 'S-'i'-ff-'E', or 'Siffy'.

So in order to 'move forward' with 'positioning the brand' they choose a silly respelling that reads like a lisper saying 'sissy'.

Good choice. Way to 'invite both consumers and advertisers into a new era of unlimited imagination, exceptional experiences and greater entertainment', by making up a new spelling for a contraction and then mispronouncing it.

Bunch of siffies. Think I'd rather go read a book.

The truth will set you free. Or on fire. Whichever....

2009-07-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Asshole, thanks for picking my plate to steal.

2009-07-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

My one day off this week, when I decide to treat myself to a film I want to see in the theatre instead of waiting for the video like I normally do.

Thanks for taking the plate off my car. My beat-up; 24-year-old; not-insured; I-only-own-because-my-friend-Jason-hooked-me-up-&-it-only-cost-$290; motherfucking-clunker-but-I-love-to-drive-her-&-SHE's-MINE piece of shit car.

Obviously, out of all the other cars on Capitol Hill tonight I'm the guy with all the free time & all the extra cash to deal with this kind of hassle.

Do me one favor? Before you strap that plate on your car & start doing drug runs with my number (the #1 reason plates are stolen in Seattle) give me enough time to wait for the cop to show & take my statement reporting it stolen? That extra kinda noise I can do without.

7/12 update: To get new plates in Washington State you have to fill out a form (Affidavit of Loss/Release of Interest "TD-420-040"), get it Notarized, and then take it to your nearest Dept. of Licensing with picture ID, your Registration, and money. This is going to end up costing me 50+ bucks and the better part of a day driving around Seattle.

Photobooth FAIL:

2009-07-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

The power of context.

2009-07-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

I stole this from my friend Mike's blog because it's some of the finest comedy writing I've seen in ages. Just brilliant.

I was just flashmobbed by zombies in my vidstore...

2009-07-03T17:41:00.000-07:00

...they tried to kidnap me and take me to the Zombiewalk & "Thriller Re-enactment" Guinness World Record attempt, but there's no-body to cover for me, natch.

"This Has Been a Sad Week"

2009-06-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm reposting this directly from Kirk Douglas' MySpace page. I'm taking such a liberty only because it's so well written I thought it worth sharing.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=171170276&blogID=497099489

June 26, 2009 - Friday

Tragedies

"This has been a sad week.

"We don't like to think about it, but we all know that someday we will die. But, when someone dies young it makes us think about the preciousness of life.

"I did a movie with Farrah Fawcett in London. What a beautiful girl with a great sense of humor. Michael Jackson gave millions of people all over the world enjoyment. Yes, he had his problems. It's sad to think of such a great talent extinguished when his light was burning so brightly. It makes me think of the people in my profession that have died too young: Steve McQueen, Natalie Wood, Marilyn Monroe. I know the pain of personal tragedy, my son Eric died at 46. When I visit his grave every week I see fresh flowers at the gravesite of Marilyn Monroe (Joe DiMaggio arranged for their delivery every week after her death).

"While we mourn for the deaths of young people like Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, let us think about how precious life is and resolve to make it worthwhile."

Please Choose (A)Tits or (B)Titillation

2009-06-25T15:02:00.000-07:00

A few pictures from last weekend at the Fremont Solstice Parade:

Under Washington State’s Indecent Exposure Law public nudity in itself is not illegal. The law specifies that “A person is guilty of indecent exposure if he or she intentionally makes any open and obscene exposure of his or her person or the person of another knowing that such conduct is likely to cause reasonable affront or alarm.” (Also, the city of Seattle doesn't have any laws regulating nudity.)

Meanwhile, that Friday night the club 'El Corazõn' on Capitol Hill was hosting the "Air Sex Championships".

http://www.airsexworldchampionships.com/?page_id=2

"It’s a lot like Air Guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you’re making sweet and/or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner.

"The only rules we have are the laws laid down by the state we’re in. Since El Corazõn serves alcohol, you can’t get naked. And since they serve food as well, all orgasms have to be simulated.
Other than that, you’re free to do whatever it takes to impress the judges, the audience in the theater, and the world!"

(Here's some photos from that night's contestants, courtesy of 'The Stranger'):
http://lineout.thestranger.com/lineout/archives/2009/06/22/air-sex-championchips

So in Seattle you can be naked in public as long as it's not for any sexual reason, or you can be as sexual as a fake-orgasm can be, in public, as long as you're fully clothed.
Not exactly sure what that says about us, but I'm sure it says something....

Seriously?

2009-06-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

"Scientists Build Anti-Mosquito Laser"
http://www.physorg.com/news156423566.html

"Astrophysicists from the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory . . . have developed a handheld laser that can locate individual mosquitoes and kill them one by one.
The developers hope that the technology might be used to create a laser barrier around a house or village that could kill or blind the insects.
Alternatively, flying drones equipped with anti-mosquito lasers could track the insects with radar and then sweep the sky with the laser."

Okay, I get the idea of finding new & novel ways of eliminating mosquitoes, and by extension, malaria and other insect-born diseases, but tell me I'm not the only one who finds this idea borderline absurd.

"In experiments, the system could target mosquitoes with a flashlight, and then uses a zoom lens to feed the data to the computer, which fires at the insect. Each time the laser strikes a mosquito, the computer makes a gunshot sound. When the mosquito is hit, it bursts into flame and falls to the ground, and a thin plume of smoke rises."

Really?

"There's some good left in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

2009-06-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

Pixar grants girl's dying wish to see 'Up'
"Company sent DVD so Huntington Beach girl, 10, could watch it."

http://www.ocregister.com/articles/pixar-up-movie-2468059-home-show

I'm reposting this from Mike's blog because it's the kind of story that shows some of the real power of film. Seriously, go read the whole article. It's also the kinda story that makes me hate humans slightly less.

All the Nabbys Down in Whoville....

2009-06-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

From "Dr. Seuss & Mr. Geisel" by Judith and Neil Morgan:

"When an invitation came from Professor Brewster Ghiselin at the University of Utah to lecture at a ten-day writers' conference at Salt Lake City in July of 1949, Ted [Theodore Geisel] accepted with uncharacteristic alacrity.
The company was lively: the Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov, who had moved to America nine years earlier; a budding American novelist, the forty-year-old Wallace Stegner; and poets William Carlos Williams and John Crowe Ransom."

And this:

"One night the Stegners thirteen-year-old son Page and the Nabokovs' son, Dmitri, fifteen, were late returning from a movie. Nabokov paced the front porch and finally called the police. The boys appeared after eleven, explaining that they had stayed for a second feature and had missed the last streetcar.
Ted had tried to distract Nabokov by drawing a grotesque vacuum cup sucking up a wizened Page Stegner into a machine called the Stegner Junior Reducifier. Forty lears later as a university professor, Page Stegner kept the drawing framed on his wall.
"When Dmitri crashed in flames over a little California sexpot," Wallace Stegner recalled, "Ted was urged to make a Nabokov Junior Reducifier too, but refrained."

During the conference Geisel wrote a butterfly poem for Nabokov (who besides being a novelist & lecturer was also a respected lepidopterist):

'To a Butterfly With Fallen Womb'

No surgic band, no metal truss
is on the market, little cuss,
quite small enough to fit your groin,
to gird your microscopic loin.
You're destined til the day of doom
to tote a badly fallen womb.
But cheer up lass! Don't feel so low.
The damned thing really doesn't show!

And from "Verses and Versions" By Vladimir Vladimirovich Nabokov, edited by Brian Boyd & Stanislav Shvab:

"Years later in 'Horton Hears a Who!' he introduced an incidental "black-bottomed eagle named Vlad Vlad-i-koff" after Vladimir Nabokoff (as Nabokov once spelled his name)."

There really is no point to this blog, I just like the idea of Dr. Seuss and Nabokov meeting and becoming friends, and the thought of a Dr. Seuss character being based (even partly) on old V. N.

Lost in Translation?

2009-06-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

I was looking for the Bhutanese phrase for "Thank You" with the idea of being a bit more polite to my friend from Bhutan who works graveyard at 7-11.

Didn't find a translation I could verify, but I did stumble across a site with the following advice (http://www.travelphrases.info/languages/dzongkha.htm):

I can't tell if this counts as 'indicative', 'bizarre', 'suggestive', 'sublime', 'alarming'....
Pinch of each?

"The four essential travel phrases in English:

1) Where is my room?
2) Where is the beach?
3) Where is the bar?
4) Don't touch me there!"

One can only assume the "four essential travel phrases in English" were chosen by regretful revellers returning from some sad 'Spring Break' in Cancun, sporting sunburns, blackouts, and "Girls Gone Wild" t-shirts....

"Daddy, daddy, daddy get up."/"They should have killed me together with my father."

2009-06-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Find it. Watch it.

http://www.shineglobal.org/?page_id=11

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0912599/

"For the past two decades, the children of the Acholi tribe in northern Uganda have been caught in the middle of a horrific war between the country’s leadership and a rebel force, the Lord’s Resistance Army.
But when the camp’s primary school unexpectedly wins a regional music competition, the opportunity to compete nationally in Kampala brings with it the forgotten chance to dream.
We follow 3 remarkable children, Nancy, Dominic, and Rose as they transform from victims of war into triumphant young adults."

Despite how much I hate humans I still find them fascinating, even occasionally wonderful. And for some reason I am most attracted to docs about 'em that raise tears in my eyes. Tears of joy, tears of horror, tears of hope, tears of anger. This film brings them all.

When America's free market runs amok....

2009-06-11T16:23:00.000-07:00

From Armory Airbrush; "when blending in matters".
http://www.armoryairbrush.com/CLIENT%20DESIGNS.html

"Our goal for Armory Airbrush is to be one of the country's most popular firearm finishers. Using DuraCoat the very latest in firearm finishing technology. I hope you like what you see as much as we like helping you create them."

For the modern, on-the-go Serial Killer!

2009-06-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

Gerber Folding KICK Axe™
http://www.gerbergear.com/index.php/product/id/338#image/442

"Using our knowledge and long history of designing and manufacturing folding knives, Gerber brings the KICK Axe to life. Employing innovative, reliable and strong locking mechanisms, the design of the KICK Axe is sure to compliment any outdoor activity." (heh heh heh....)

• Axe folds for ease of carrying and storage
• 1.15 lbs. (18.4oz)
• Black Teflon coated axe head for corrosion resistance
• Metal bodied construction with plastic over-molded handle for comfort and non-slip
• Light-duty, compact size great for chopping limbs up to 2.5" in diameter. (Limbs?)
• Webbing holster included for safe and secure carrying

Will be available for purchase July 1st. I expect it to appear in a straight-to-video slasher by Bastille Day.

"Twin Bricks"

2009-06-03T17:23:00.000-07:00

"Directed by Duplo Lynch and music by Angelo Brickalamenti."

(I wish I'd thought of this....)

I ♥ Washington State.

2009-06-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

"Mystery structure hidden in Quilcene woods"

"Jefferson County Commissioner John Austin crawls out of the hatch leading into a mysterious dome-like structure, believed to be part of an abandoned U.S. Navy installation, near Quilcene. No one seems to know the purpose of the site or the origins of the equipment it contains."

Read the whole wonderful article here:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009282096_quilcene31m.html

The single greatest use of technology in the history of everything.

2009-05-29T14:09:00.001-07:00

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/cocktailcompass/page

Cellphone saturation has reached an estimated 66% of the world population. From their 1G incarnation in '79 to just 30 years later there are now roughly 4 billion cellphones currently in use. 2 out of every 3 persons on earth have a cellphone.

I remain in the 1 of 3 minority of those monkeys who have yet to get around to 'needing' one. And not for some Neo-Luddite soapboxing or anti-materialistic posturing; I simply haven't felt any actual need to get one, yet.

My position has been rocked slightly with the recent offering of a new iPhone application from "The Stranger" (the iPhone is already 'sexy' enough to have caught my eye, but this bumps that technolust to the next level).

"The Stranger's Cocktail Compass" is a free application that uses the iPhone's built-in assisted GPS, 3G high-speed data transfer, and "The Stranger's" database of Seattle bars to provide an instant, on-demand, location-specific handheld pointer to the nearest 'Happy Hours', complete with countdown to when the Hour ends:

"Tap the app and in mere moments you'll have the nearest happy hour at your fingertips, along with its location, distance, and how long you'll have before happy hour is over."

"Love a place you found with Cocktail Compass? Make it a favorite and find it again next time-even if your memory's a bit blurry on how you ended up there in the first place."

And it even offers the (divinely inspired) dedicated 'Cabs' button:

"Having too much fun? At the end of the night, hit the Cabs icon, and call a cab to take you home."

It's like a piece of tech from "Start Trek the Next Generation" (you know, what the 'future' used to be) has been repurposed for poor Seattle drunkards like me!
Oh, I am sorely tempted....

"Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Make Water Again"

2009-05-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5381234/Japanese-publisher-prints-horror-novel-on-toilet-roll.html

"Horror writer Koji Suzuki ("The Ring", "Spiral", "Dark Water") has teamed up with a Japanese paper manufacturer to have his latest stomach-churning novella published in a very convenient form - on toilet paper.

"His latest work is set in a public toilet and plays on Japanese superstitions that ghosts and evil spirits inhabit the smallest room in the house, which is why they were traditionally relegated to the most distant part of the home.

"The nine-chapter tale is appropriately titled "Drop," and is the alarming story of an evil spirit that inhabits a toilet bowl.

"Parents still tell naughty children that a hairy hand will seize them when they have their pants around their ankles if they misbehave and drag them down into the dark water below."

"Found 'em!"

2009-05-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

The next level in Body Modification?

Glowing monkeys 'to aid research'

GBTI

2009-05-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's hard to remember a time before the internet gave us nearly instant access to the most trivial bits of information (this blog, for example). The following represents 3 or 4 minutes of digressive online wandering:

Customer returned a DVD for "Savage Grace"; mentioned how dark it was. I like 'dark', but I don't know this movie, so I read the back of the box/check IMDB.
The story's vaguely familiar; some sex/murder scandal involving heirs to the Bakelite fortune back in the '70s. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0379976/

Meh, not really my type of film, but I do find Bakelite interesting. It holds a certain nostalgia for me; my second typewriter was a glorious old Royal from the '30s. This isn't it, but it's the same model:

Bakelite keys, Bakelite knobs on the platen roll, Bakelite handle on the carry case. I still have her, and in more or less working order.

Bakelite dropped out of fashion in the '50s when less complicated/expensive plastics were developed. Bakelite uses a fair amount of arsenic in its manufacturing; besides which it's a relatively brittle plastic compared to the ones coming out then.

I decide to brush up on Bakelite at wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bakelite
Among other interesting bits of trivia;

"The thermosetting plastic was at one point considered for the manufacture of coins, due to a shortage of traditional manufacturing material. In 1943, Bakelite and other non-metal materials were tested for usage as a penny in the United States before the Mint settled on zinc coated steel."

This makes me wonder if Bakelite pennies are traded by collectors. Check Ebay for 'Bakelite penny'.

No luck, but it did pull 1 item; "LUCKY PENNY ENCASED 1917 CENT - CHAMBER POT - BAKELITE"

As the item description says this is shaped like an old chamberpot (or 'gazunder' because it "goes under" the bed when not in use http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gazunder). My mum was born in 1948, and as a child in England they had gazunders for when it was too cold or late to use the outhouse.

Anyways, molded into the front of this tchochki is the phrase "GOOD WHEN CAUGHT SHORT". This is an old novelty item, the "...CAUGHT SHORT" is a reference to when you need to "spend a penny", or use a public toilet that charged a penny to open the stall door.

It strikes me yet again how stunning the progress of our technology has been; from chamberpots & outhouses to high-speed internet & online auction houses in a little over 50 years.

My mother takes it all in stride, (and she's the one with the titanium knee) but I still find it all fascinating. Can't wait to see what's next.

From a recent "Sam's Club" summer mailer....

2009-05-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

click on the pic for a slightly closer, greasier, more Type-2-inducing close-up:

Good for the soul....

2009-05-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen "Crank" with Jason Statham, I heard it was an okay action "cartoon" if you're looking for big explosions and whatnot, and don't mind turning your brain off for awhile. The basic plot is a hitman is injected with a poison that will kill him shortly unless he can keep his adrenaline level elevated.

Now I have nothing against cheezy action films; I watch so many good films (last one seen: "Le Lit de la Vierge", or "the Virgin's Bed" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064593/; it was quite a good little trip) I occasionally need to just blow out the old jets with something mindless. So don't think I'm mocking this just because it's an action film.

Anyways, they made a sequal, "Crank 2: High Voltage". It opened back in April; made it's cost ($20 mil) back during it's domestic release. A friend clued me in to how 'awesome' the trailer is. It's so ridiculous you end up feeling better by the end of it you've been laughing so hard. I still don't plan on seeing it however.

Keep in mind, he fell out of a helicopter & died at the end of the first "Crank".
Enjoy.

2009 Nondemic; meme check!

2009-05-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

From 'urbandictionary.com':

Swine Flucation
The time spent not at school or work due to the closures caused by the Swine Flu scare. Can be used with any virus, e.g., Bird flucation, regular Flucation, etc.
"We have nothing planned for the kids during their Swine Flucation, since the school's closed."

Swine Flew
Reference to the Swine Flu epidemic and the common phrase "When Pigs Fly" in relation to certain preceeding events.
"First the U.S.A. got a black President; and then swine flew!"

Swine-co de Mayo
The new 'Cinco de Mayo' Celebration in the USA for this year, especially in sunny San Diego, CA.
"Dood, let's grab some pork 'carnitas' and a sixer of cold Dos Equis. It's 'Swine-co de Mayo'!!!

Swinefluent
Someone who is an expert on the subject of Swine Flu.
"I wish I knew how this flu is worse than a traditional flu. I need to speak to someone who is Swinefluent."

Swinepocalypse
Describes the over-the-top scaremonger media coverage induced panic over the "dangerous" and "deadly" "pandemic" of swine flu. See also - aporkalypse
"We're all going to die of swine flu! It's the swinepocalypse!"
"Dude, I can't believe school is closed because of this bad ass swinepocalypse!"

and my personal favorite:

Swine Media
A general reference to all members of the media (press, radio, TV, Internet) who play on public emotions to turn a minor event into a global crisis... typically with minimal, if any, actual facts or data.
"John Stewart did a great spoof on the swine media last night on the Daily Show. After showing some clips as examples, he mentioned that he's secretly working on a cure for "raccoon flu" in his basement lab. He says there's more money in developing cures for diseases before they exist! Brilliant!"

And not cited, but related entries:

Swine Jew
Swine Flu Boner
Swineophobia
Swine Whiner (which obviously should have been contracted to 'Swhiner'....

2009 Nondemic update.

2009-05-05T14:01:00.000-07:00

As I commented on in the earlier post of mine about this nondemic, it's becoming more interesting to follow the viral spread of fear than any actual influenza virus.

From the CDC's Press Briefing yesterday:
http://www.cdc.gov/media/transcripts/2009/t090504.htm

"There are 35 known hospitalizations in the United States with the one reported death. 62% of the confirmed cases are under 18 years of age. The World's Health Organization earlier today was reporting 898 cases in 18 countries.

"I like to each day put this in context with seasonal flu. With seasonal flu, we see in the United States over 30 million cases. We see 200,000 hospitalizations and, on average, 36,000 deaths.
"To put this in context, I keep saying that it's looking like it's along the severity of seasonal flu. We know that each year with seasonal flu, people are hospitalized and people die, and unfortunately, we expect here that with a virus of this severity that there will be ongoing hospitalizations and that there will be additional deaths. "

"100 Days" gets a lot of press...

2009-05-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

... here are some of the better pics:
(click on 'em to zoom)
pimp move

pimp move

pimp move

helluva pimp move

Inauguration day. This one makes me proud of my country.

This one makes me fucking tear up.

As does this one.

and finally:

The only 'decent' thing that 'Dub' son of a bitch ever did was fuck up the world enough to make America willing to elect a liberal black man president, well before any of us dreamed it possible.

(Oh, and we'll be seeing you in court about them lies and no-bid contracts and torture and cover-ups and abuse of human rights soon, asshole. And thanks for the economy; those tax breaks for corporations really helped stimulate growth).

Brilliant, just brilliant.

2009-05-03T20:53:00.000-07:00

The 2009 Nondemic....

2009-05-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

I am becoming more and more convinced this 'pandemic' is nothing more than a MEDIA virus. Our global news culture has more ability to spread a viral thought than our global community has to spread a (more and more apparently) weak strain of influenza.

Yesterday the World Health Organization was stating 130 confirmed deaths in Mexico; today that number dropped to 15 confirmed caused by H1N1. Our 'regular' yearly influenza is responsible for hundreds of thousands of deaths. Per year. Normally we don't call it a 'pandemic' unless it's responsible for millions of deaths.

Oh, and they also announced the facemasks everybody's been wearing (and governments have been giving out free) are too open to stop the virus. Reminds me of the dudes in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" gassing the pets to spread the fear. Looks great in a picture; has nothing to do with reality.

Let's just go back to normal and find some real news, please?

I'm kinda surprised it took so long....

2009-04-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

Swine Flu Phishing Attacks and Email Scams
http://www.us-cert.gov/current/index.html#swine_flu_phishing_attacks_and

"US-CERT is aware of public reports of email scams circulating related to the Swine Flu. The attacks arrive via an unsolicited email message typically containing a subject line related to the Swine Flu.

"Due to these potential phishing attacks and email scams, US-CERT encourages users to visit the Center for Disease Control (CDC) website for trusted information regarding the Swine Flu."

"Pilot Completes Jetpack Challenge" vs. 'High Flight' by John Magee, Jr.

2009-04-28T16:20:00.000-07:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7637327.stm

"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

A Swiss man has become the first person to fly solo across the English Channel using a single jet-propelled wing. Yves Rossy landed safely after the 22-mile (35.4 km) flight from Calais to Dover.

"Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds...and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of...wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence.

The 49-year-old flew on a plane to more than 8,200ft, ignited jets on a wing on his back, and jumped out. Mr Rossy had hoped to reach speeds of 125mph.

"Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.

The wing had no rudder or tail fin, so Mr Rossy had to steer it using his head and back.

"Up, up, the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, nor even eagle flew.

In Dover, Mr Rossy flew past South Foreland lighthouse and looped onlookers before landing in a field.

"And while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space...
...put out my hand, and touched the face of God."

It felt "great, really great", said Mr Rossy: "I only have one word, thank you, to all the people who did it with me" ...adding his success signalled "big potential" for people to fly "a little bit like a bird" in the future.

Our galaxy smells like raspberries!!!!

2009-04-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

I can't really put my finger on why this news delights me so much, which means I'll probably never be able to explain it adequately to others. Suffice it to say this is a magical piece of information to me, and it's the kind of ridiculous trivia that takes some of the sting out of being alive.

http://www.prurgent.com/2009-04-25/pressrelease37091.htm
Milky Way 'Could Taste Of Raspberries'
Astronomers testing a giant dust cloud at the heart of the Milky Way have found that it might taste of raspberries. Really!
Radio Astronomers in Bonn, Germany, were searching space for evidence of amino acids – the basic chemicals from which life is created. Despite failing to locate any such aminos, they did find a substance called ethyl formate, the chemical responsible for the flavour of raspberries.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2389057.ece
Milky Way tastes of raspberry and rum
The centre of our Milky Way galaxy tastes of raspberries, say astronomers — and smells of rum. Scientists searching for life’s chemical building blocks found a molecule responsible for the fruit flavour. The ethyl formate also has a whiff of the Caribbean drink.

http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=complex-organic-molecules-detected-2009-04-22
Complex organic molecules detected in interstellar space
Two of the most complex molecules ever found outside the solar system have been turned up by astronomers peering into Sagittarius B2 (Sgr B2), a massive, vigorous star-forming region near the heart of the Milky Way.
In an interview with the Guardian, (Belloche) noted that ethyl formate is present in raspberries. The chemical "does happen to give raspberries their flavour," Belloche told the newspaper, "but there are many other molecules that are needed to make space raspberries. At the very least, ethyl formate makes space smell nice, the chemical has a pleasant, fruity odor."

GBTI

2009-04-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

In July of 1890 at the tender age of 37Vincent van Gogh after suffering most of his life from severe depression walked into a field near where he was staying in Auvers-sur-Oise and shot himself in the chest with a revolver. He died two days later with his brother Theo at his side.

Van Gogh painted approximately 900 paintings before that little fieldtrip, along with over 1,100 sketches & drawings, and all within the last ten years of his life.

During his lifetime he sold exactly one painting, "Red Vineyard at Arles" for approximately 400 francs, or about $100 US.

"I feel...a failure. That's it as far as I'm concerned...I feel that this is the destiny that I accept, that will never change."

Strangely, we know a great deal about old Vincent, much more than you would expect for somebody almost completely unknown during his own life. We know so much because we have over 600 letters he wrote, mostly to his brother (and frequent financial supporter) Theo.

A generation ago you could have devoted years of study to tracking down and translating van Gogh's letters. Today I stumbled across a website (in English) with over 16,000 searchable words, 62 index topics, 1284 topic citations, and 1223 artwork citations.

van Gogh's Letters, Unabridged & Annotated:
http://www.webexhibits.org/vangogh/

Some highlights:

"If a peasant painting smells of bacon, smoke, potato steam, fine - that's not unhealthy - if a stable reeks of manure - all right, that's what a stable is all about - if a field has the smell of ripe corn or potatoes or of guano and manure - that's properly healthy, especially for city dwellers. Such pictures might prove helpful to them."

"We can be fairly sure that the Marseilles artist who committed suicide in no way did it under the influence of absinthe, for the simple reason that no one is likely to have offered him any and he could not have had anything to buy it with. Besides, he would not have drunk it purely for pleasure, but because, being ill already, he kept himself going with it."

"A peasant girl, in her patched and dusty blue skirt and bodice which have acquired the most delicate shades from the weather, wind and sun, is better looking - in my opinion - than a lady. But if she dons a lady's clothes, then her authenticity is gone. A peasant in his fustian clothes out in the fields [is] better looking than when he goes to church on Sunday in a kind of gentleman's coat."

"Never think it gives me pleasure to notice something wrong; it grieves me and gives me so much pain that at times I cannot keep it to myself."

[It's becoming harder and harder to remember a world without instant access to unimaginable (and unmanageable) amounts of information. God Bless The Internet, but how did we live before it?]

Why the hell not?

2009-04-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.theherooftime.com/

"The Hero of Time is a feature-length, independent film produced by BMB FINISHES in Atlanta, Georgia. It was directed and produced by Joel Musch. Co-creator David Blane also produced the film as well as starred as Link.

"The film is set in Hyrule where a young boy from the forest (Link) is beckoned by his dreams and the sage of the forest (Deku Tree) to venture to the city of Hyrule and seek princess Zelda’s council. The evil Lord Ganondorf has plotted to overthrow the kingdom which propels Princess Zelda into hiding. Link endeavors to save them by pulling of the Master Sword in the Temple of Time. Consequently sending him 5 years into the future where Ganon now rules and threatens the future of the kingdom. Link must find a way to not only save his princess but the land he’s fervent for.

"Disclaimer: The Hero of Time is not an official Legend of Zelda movie, and is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo. The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time, Link, Zelda, Ganon and related characters belong to Nintendo."

"The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day."

2009-04-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm no "End is Nigh" alarmist (quite frankly I would probably welcome the end of mankind), but two recent articles caught my attention & reminded me of a certain little flick that came out back in '91.
Enjoy.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103064/

ROBOT SCIENTIST BECOMES FIRST MACHINE TO DISCOVER NEW SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-04/babs-rsb032709.php

JAPAN CHILD ROBOT MIMICKS INFANT LEARNING
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=CNG.bbd53bd17a5713678ea8bea533d92910.1bc1&show_article=1

The following quotes come from one of those three pages:

"Scientists funded by the Biotechnology and Biological Sciences Research Council (BBSRC) have created a Robot Scientist which the researchers believe is the first machine to have independently discovered new scientific knowledge. A robot named Adam is conducting its own scientific experiments. On its own, it discovered 12 new functions for genes."

"Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th."

"The creators of the Child-robot with Biomimetic Body (CB2) have announced that their 'bot is developing social skills by interacting with humans and watching their facial expressions, mimicking a mother/child relationship. Over the past two years, CB2 has taught itself how to walk with the aid of a human and in the next two years the goal is to have it speaking basic sentences, matching the intelligence of a two-year-old."

"My CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. The more contact I have with humans, the more I learn."

"This kind of learning will become even more important as we move further towards integrative and predictive biology in the era of Web 2.0 and the Semantic Web."

"Using artificial intelligence, Adam hypothesised that certain genes in baker's yeast code for specific enzymes which catalyse biochemical reactions in yeast. The robot then devised experiments to test these predictions, ran the experiments using laboratory robotics, interpreted the results and repeated the cycle."

"The scientists at Aberystwyth University and the University of Cambridge designed Adam to carry out each stage of the scientific process automatically without the need for further human intervention."

"Human decisions are removed from strategic defense."

"In coming decades, Asada expects science will come up with a "robo species" that has learning abilities somewhere between those of a human and other primate species such as the chimpanzee."

"I have detailed files on human anatomy."

"When manufacturing a robot, there comes a moment when light flickers in its eyes. That's when we know our work is done."

"The robot can record emotional expressions using eye-cameras, then memorise and match them with physical sensations, and cluster them on its circuit boards."

"It's not human -- but it is paying attention."

Forbidden love is the sweetest.

2009-04-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

"Don't make eye contact, it'll just confuse the both of you."

2009-04-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

For the two or three readers (out of my imagined seven or eight) who may not know by now, I manage a small video store in Seattle. Recently I recommended a new Disney release, "Secret of the Magic Gourd" to one of our regular customers. IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496386/

When she brought it back I asked her what her kids thought; she said (more or less), "They didn't like it because all the people in it are Chinese".

Now, I'd like to give her younglings the benefit of the doubt and assume they just had trouble relating to an all-Chinese cast, or maybe that the movie didn't work for them on some level (for the record, I liked it, but I'm a 39 year old manchild with a penchant for pretty much all & any Oriental films).

But looking at the cover I realized Disney seems to have designed it to specifically hide the Asian aspect. Just a boy's mouth & nose on the front cover, and just his back on the, er, back (okay, to be fair, there is a picture of his face on the back cover, but it's printed so small it's not immediately obvious).

I could just be reading too much into this, but I've seen enough DVD covers to notice this clunky nonstandard framing. Plus, it's not as if Disney can claim a completely guilt-free corporate conscience.

I'm sure there's no way to ever get any confirmation from Disney, but let's just assume it was an intentional obfuscation. That means this DVD cover speaks volumes about racial issues, and perceived racial issues, and corporate 'morality', and our consumption-based society, and the psychology of advertising to that consumption-based society, and so on, and so on....

Happiness in a baggy.

2009-04-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

http://thinkofthe.com/products/lunch_bag.php

"Tired of having your food stolen by sticky-fingered coworkers or roommates? Bullies taking your kid's lunch? Well, worry no more . . . Anti-Theft Lunch Bags are sandwich bags that have green splotches printed on both sides, making your freshly prepared lunch look spoiled. Don't suffer the injustice of having your sandwich stolen again! Protect your lunch with Anti-Theft Lunch Bags."

$10 USD for 1 box/***25 bags per box

Construction: Food-safe reusable and recyclable LDPE
Dimensions: H 6.875" x W 6.625" (sandwich size)

from "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me"

2009-04-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Joke I heard on NPR about books published in Japan that were originally written on cellphones: Next will be novels written via Twitter (less than 140 characters).

"Grapes of Wrath"
Man we're poor. Sister breastfeeding hobo. SO out of here".

"Pride & Prejudice"
That guy's a jerk. Tho kinda cute. LOL"

"Lolita"
(Message removed for violation of Terms of Use.)

"The word for word is word" -William S. Burroughs

2009-04-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

I need some help from you faceless millions out there reading this; I can't remember or find online the specific word that means the 'guide words' at the top of dictionary pages.

I vaguely remember reading it once, and having to look it up, ironically, in a dictionary, but of course now I can't recall what it was or where I read it.

Anybody able to help me with this lexicographical lament?

"The Original of Laura, or, Dying is Fun"

2009-03-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780307271891

I have reason to live another 7 months.

This makes me sad and happy in surprisingly egual emounts.

2009-03-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Driving home from Mike's place, stopped at a light. Up ahead party-lights, a cop standing in the rain waving the cars through one at a time. Out of the corner of my eye I notice something white against the wet dark background, and once again I'm glad I always try to have a camera with me.

If there weren't a cop two cars behind; if there weren't party-lights & a car accident just ahead; and if the passenger seat didn't hold a half-empty bottle of gin in my manpurse I would have circled around for a better picture.

Sitting up in the tree, unblinking, a sad wet witness to the slow procession of single-occupant cars, a lone lop-eared stuffy.

A wet poem.

Eat it before it eats you.

2009-03-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

First off, read this post by my friend Mike: http://blog.riotnrrd.net/2009/03/mcbukkake.html
Seriously, read his first.

Read it?

Good.

I try to eat a very healthy diet these days, partly since I'm coming up on 40 years old & my carcass has developed the unfortunate habit of converting every single calorie I consume into about a pound of fat.

Plus after switching to a Raw Vegan diet a few years ago I lost a great deal of weight and felt years younger. No kidding, I honestly felt physically younger. Fresher, fitter, bouncier; it was great.

Hard diet to stick to, though. Now I try to maintain at least a 75% raw diet, which keeps me fairly fit, but still allows me to enjoy the odd Bacchanalian pig-out. Or the occasional foray into American-style fastfood creativity/death-defying.

My review of Mike's creation, the McBukkake:

First, the Positive.

• The flavor. Believe or don't, this beast actually tastes pretty good. Two types of fried meat, with cheeze! Plus what doesn't taste better with Ranch Dressing?

• The audacity. Seriously, think about it. Roughly one in six persons on this planet of ours doesn't have access to clean drinking water on a daily basis. 2.2 million die each year from dirty water, and 90% of those deaths are children under 5. But we got Double Quarter Pounders & Crispy Chicken Ranch BLTs, handed over the counter in less than one minute.

• The Size. I mean honestly. This will end up being at least three 'meals' for me.

um, that's about it for the positive.

As for the Negative (besides the obvious; this thing is Fried Death with Cheese):

• The price. Part of the charm of the McGangbang was the fact it was constructed from a couple of Dollar Menu items; $2.18 after tax. The McBukkake? A staggering $10.30. I couldn't believe I was spending that much, and spending that much at McDonalds, and spending that much at McDonalds for two sandwiches.

• The damage. Dbl Quarter Pounder: 740 calories, 42 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 48 grams of protein. Crispy Ranch BLT: 580 calories, 23 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 32 grams of protein. If consumed all at once that represents almost all your daily allowance of calories, all of your fat, and slightly more than your daily saturated allowance. That's assuming a 2,000 calorie a day American diet; mine is normally considerably lower on all counts (not counting calories from alcohol).

Overall take on it? The McBukkake reminds me of Las Vegas, a city for which I have a deep & heartfelt love. Like Vegas, it exemplifies all the things great about this country; gaudy, entertaining, sad, slightly greasy, overwhelmingly large, ridiculously priced, ultimately deadly, and just all-around good old-fashioned goofy fucking fun. Try it at least once, but have an escape route planned.